Happy Birthday Matthew

Today is Matthew's Birthday, I wonder what he would look like today, if he would have enjoyed his presents, how much jelly and ice-cream I would have made but probably not eaten, and if he would be walking and talking yet.

One year on and the tears still fall, we miss him, we think of him often and our hearts still feel heavy for our loss. But we are both so very grateful for the 1 day we got to spend with him. I'm so very glad that we got to see what he looked like, and that I got to hold him close to me before we said goodbye. He will always be in our hearts.

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I am a Mother - Author unknown

I’ve loved my child right from the start
A feeling thats filled my entire heart
I went through the labour and suffered the pain
For many long hours with nothing to gain
I’ve spent sleepless nights being awake
Though its been a while my arms they still ache
I’ve sat and I’ve wondered of how he would grow
The love of my family that he'd come to know
The sound of his voice as he learns to talk
Watching his steps as he tries to walk
I have a child that I really love so
I am his mother yet nobody knows
I spent all those months feeling him grow
I’ve lived through it all and have nothing to show
I don’t get invited to chat with young mothers
Because I don’t have a baby like all of the others
I’ve got some stretch marks that Id like to hide
But I don’t have a pram with a baby inside
I don’t know how long I'll be feeling like this
But one thing I know my baby I miss
When Mothers Day comes it will be very hard
I wont have any flowers not even a card
And just because he’s not here with me
I still have a son I wish I could see
But one thing I know and this is for sure
I'll be his mother for evermore

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Today is also a good day. We had some tears at 11.09am - the time Matthew was born, but before this we had news from Woking that two out of three of our little frosties had survived the thaw. This means we beat the 30% survival odds and we now have two little embryos back on board.

When we froze them in September there were two that were six cells and one was a four cell. When they thawed them today we lost one of the six cell embryos. The four cell went down to a three cell and the other six cell went down to a four cell (which then went down to a three cell by the time we put them in this afternoon).

So, at 3.45pm today we put two healthy looking three cell embryos back in. Here is a picture of the babies!!!



So there you have it - I actually think they look like good embryos even though they are only at three cells - this doesn't mean they can't or won't implant - it just means they are a little slow at the moment.

Now we have to wait two weeks to do a pregnancy test.

Wish me luck....