I'm not sure which is worse - the 2 week wait to find out you are pregnant, or the following 2 week wait for the first scan - I think the second one for me as this is an agonising wait to find out if everything is OK.
The scan will take place on Thursday at 9am at the local hospital and I'm terrified and excited all at the same time. Some of you may wonder why I'm terrified - it's not without reason.
You see I've been pregnant 5 times.
The first time in January 2005 ended with a miscarriage before we got to the first scan.
The second time I was in Las Vegas and started bleeding, then came home and had a scan only to find out it was ectopic and had to be removed, along with my right fallopian tube.
The third time we had a scan and two hours later I was in surgery having an ectopic pregnancy and my right fallopian tube removed. We were very close this time to major problems as I ruptured and lost a hell of a lot of blood. If I hadn't insisted on a scan that Saturday morning and been persistent with the doctor - I might have died from internal bleeding.
Then we had to do IVF.
On my 2nd IVF attempt we had a scan and for once everything was OK - I've never felt such elation and relief - sadly I had a lot of bleeding throughout the pregnancy and at 22 weeks my waters broke and we lost a little boy.
On my 4th IVF attempt we went for our scan and never even considered anything could go wrong, we were really excited and had talked about will it be 1 or 2 babies for the previous 2 weeks. When we got there they couldn't see the sac. An agonising 3 day wait followed, still no sac - but they could see it was another ectopic. Devastated doesn't even come close to describing how we felt.
So, you can see why I'm nervous and somewhat terrified of the results.
This is my 9th IVF attempt (if you include the frozen transfers) so this one just has to work out for us as we are tired of this journey and want it to be over.
Please keep everything crossed for me on Thursday morning - It is still possible for me to have an ectopic pregnancy as there are tiny little stumps left behind from the fallopian tube removal, and as per the last one it's still very much possible to get a tiny little embryo stuck up there.
48 hours to go.....