Long time no write

Well I know you will forgive me for not writing in some time but I've been on holiday in the USA for the last 2 weeks! I did try to post on the 1st June, but I couldn't remember the password!!

I wanted to write something in for Matthew. June 1st was the date he was due to be born, which is one of the reasons we went away as we didn't want to be home that day. It's hard enough knowing that by now I should have a week old baby boy in my arms, so we went to visit our friends Pat and Walt in Maryland, USA.

I've got quite a lot to write about so In order to make it last I will write about the trip later this week, today I just wanted to write down my thoughts.

I'm full of mixed emotions at the moment. I can't stop crying as his due date is right there in front of me, and I am trying not to think about it, but it is impossible. I miss him so much. I know we can't change anything, we can't go back and we will never get to know him but I think about him every day, and my heart aches because I know I won't get to be his mum.

I thought the due date passing would be easy. I've handled everything else pretty well over the last 4 months, but that date will stick in my mind and no matter what I do I can't not think about it. We went for a walk by the river and picked some wild flowers on June 1st, it was peaceful and a beautiful location.

Chris has been a wonderful support, he is hurting as much as I am at the moment, but we do keep each other strong. He has helped me to feel stronger on so many occasions lately, so thank you honey for being there for me. I love you.