Ikea

I went to Ikea yesterday to get a few things for the new guest room, seeing as we have guests actually staying. We have to go to the one in Wembley, which is always a pain as the traffic is pants. It took us 2.5 hours to do a 1 hour drive thanks to the M25.

I'm feeling a lot better now, my scars are healing, even my belly button looks better than it did a couple of days ago. I do have moments of sadness though, it's hard to come to terms with the loss of a pregnancy or a baby, as you go through so many emotions in such a short space of time, we start with the anxious waiting and fear as we go through the treatment, to relief that you got eggs and they fertilised, then you get them transferred in and spend 2 weeks being worried, nervous and scared of the result.

For us this time we then had the relief and happiness when we got a positive result, and you spend the following 2 weeks on a high, chatting incessantly about babies, names, nurseries, will it be one or two? and counting down the days to that scan.

Then the horror and the realisation that there won't be one or two babies, there will in fact be none and you are going to have to get yourself over to the hospital within the next few hours or risk putting yourself in danger.

I can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now, or Chris. Probably the best word is sadness. I know we would make great parents, and I don't understand why this keeps happening to me. 5 times now. Shit.