Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Almost time to start again.

It's Tuesday and the week is already flying by, I have so much to do before I fly out to America on Sunday, I wonder how I will fit it all in, from work to housework, washing clothes and bed sheets to just spending some quality time with my husband (which sadly is not something I get to do much of these days thanks to work!) to sorting out my laptop and mobile phone so I'm ready to go and can take my work with me.

I'm not nervous, or excited or anything really - it's just another round of IVF. This will be my 7th Fresh Cycle and our 9th attempt to get pregnant using Fertility Treatment.

To be honest I'm tired of it, I'm emotionally drained and now just get on with it without even thinking about whether it will or won't work - it will be what it will be.

I know there is nothing I can do more to make it work, and that I have to once again put my faith and trust in the medical team that are doing their best to help us achieve our dream of being a family.

They do a great job, I certainly get better treatment in the US than I did in the UK - but even the best medical team in the world cannot give you a 100% guarantee that they can get you pregnant using IVF, as mother nature plays her role and always lets me down.

I'm now 35, which is the magical and horrible number at which my fertility starts to decline more rapidly, which makes the journey much harder now than it was 4 years ago when we started IVF.

I've been pregnant 5 times. This is what keeps me going. Seeing the pictures of Matthew always keeps me positive, and knowing that there is a good chance that I will become a mother and I will make Chris a father is the only thing that keeps me sane. How much longer we can keep this up - I don't know.

We are strong, we are persistent and we are determined to succeed. But everyone has their limits and we are beginning to wonder where our limits lie.

I hope and pray that this time will be the last time we need to do this, and that this time we will get our much deserved pregnancy, and that this time we will not lose the baby, and that this time will be our time.


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