Today I don't know how to start this blog entry. My news is not good and it is heartbreaking to have to write this.
On Sunday morning I woke up and felt what I thought was the umbilical cord hanging down, after calling the hospital they sent an ambulance out to us as this is a serious condition (known officially as cord prolapse) which can be fatal to the baby and can be serious for the mother too.
On arrival at the hospital they confirmed that the cord was indeed on its way down and that labour was now inevitable. They took some blood to test for infection and took us to a very nice room where we could prepare ourselves for the next step.
Sunday afternoon we got our blood test results back and they showed that the levels had risen and that infection was on it's way and that this could be bad for me as it could damage my uterus, so we opted to induce labour the same day rather than waiting until the following day when they would have induced anyway.
At 1.45am on Monday 22nd January the contractions began and I was given medication to help with the pain.
At 7am I went into the delivery room and began to deliver. After much pushing, three vomiting incidents and a lot of gas and air plus a shot of Pethadine, Matthew Christopher Stuart Russell was born at 11.09am. He was stillborn.
We got to spend some time with him, and even though he was only 21 weeks and 3 days old he was a fully formed, very beautiful little baby boy. He was about 12-14 inches long, weighed 15 1/2 ounces and was quite clearly our baby, as he had his dad's nose, feet and mouth and his mum's dimple chin.
This is one of the hardest days of our life but we will never forget our son, even though we never had the opportunity to know his personality, he meant a lot to us and gave us hope.
This has been a long road for us so far, be we remain determined to end this journey with a baby, so we will not give up, and at some point later this year we will begin the IVF treatment again.
But for now we will remember Matthew with love, and we will treasure the time we had during the pregnancy and on his birth day.