The Worst Possible News

[Chris using Elly's account]

I have to write this post as Elly is in hospital recovering from an operation after our worst fears were realised at this afternoon's scan, the pregnancy was ectopic.

The embryo seems to have implanted in the stub of the right fallopian tube and when that happens there can be only one result. It's now 1am, they took her down to theatre at around 7.30 and things were held up as a result of a medical emergency. I spoke to her briefly when they brought her back to the ward at midnight but she was so groggy from the anaesthetic I couldn't get much sense out of her, other then the fact the doctors told her everything went well.

It's very strange being home tonight, the house seems hugely empty, I'm tired beyond belief and I don't know whether to cry or ... cry. We were so sure it would work this time, who would have thought it was possible to have an ectopic pregnancy after both tubes had been removed.

It's incredibly frustrating not being able to do anything, to have to sit and wait while everything is taken out of your hands and you can't protect the one person in your life you should be looking after. I really want to hate someone but there's no-one to hate and I really want to blame someone but there's no-one to blame either. In fact, I feel eerily calm right now which feels wrong somehow.

Tomorrow we'll find out more, given the late hour there were no doctors around to fill us in on what actually happened. We asked to have the remains of Ell's tubes "sealed" shut and I'm hoping that happened so this can't happen to us again. We'll have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.