Well after yesterday's post where I thought we'd had a good day, around 12.30 last night I woke up to have the first of many of my 'need to pee in the night' sessions.
Upon sitting on the loo in the dark I felt a release of something that wasn't me having a pee, and on turning the light on I realised I was literally dripping blood :(
After wiping and seeing lots of red blood there was also a sizeable clot (about half the size of the palm of your hand) - I can honestly say at that point I was frozen with fear and my heart sank into my toes.
I was sure that it was over, that this was the beginning of a miscarriage and I was about to lose one if not both of our precious babies.
I can't even begin to describe how that feels, I've lost five babies already and it's the most heartbreaking, crushing emotion I've ever felt, and I just don't ever want to go there again.
I didn't sleep much, tossed and turned through the night and hugged the duvet into my tummy (or Chris) as it was the only way I felt protected.
I used the loo a few more times in the night and there was still blood there so at 8am we phoned the GP who told us to call the hospital and get ourselves in if we could.
Frimley Park were brilliant - come in at 10am they said, so we were there at 9.45am.
Half an hour of nervousness ensued, as I watched all the other couples also sit there nervously - we were at the early pregnancy unit again, which isn't known for giving mums to be good news.
We were finally called in around 10.45 and I prepared myself for the worst again, but to my surprise both babies were absolutely fine!
They have grown somewhat from 6mm to 16mm in a week! and the hearts were beating away like nothing had happened.
We were so relieved, it's hard to explain. The sonographer measured them and had a look to see if she could see where the bleeding was coming from but there were no obvious signs, so we just accepted the fact that all was well and went to sit back in the waiting room.
After the nurse had spoken to us, we had to wait another hour as I needed to have an anti-d shot as my blood type is Rhesus neg, so we went to the cafe and had a coffee while we slowly came back down to earth.
These babies mean so much to us, I would do anything for them and at this stage that isn't very much as they are so little and there isn't anything anyone can do if something goes wrong, so we just have to keep the faith that they will be OK for the next 6 months and that I don't have to keep rushing into the hospital every week like we did with Matthew.
Please keep us in your thoughts and pray we make it this time.
The scan lady was kind to us and also gave us this picture - you can click on them to make them bigger.